Cowboy falls in love

So, the cowboy has been telling this story for years. Apparently, it is the night he fell in love with me. I have no idea why. I wish he would stop telling it. I honestly think he’s making part of it up — um, cuz parts of it are kinda fuzzy to me….

The time had come for me to go home to the ranch and meet Justin’s parents. Now this was big. He’d never taken a girl home before. And I was scared to death…Parents are kinda scary sometimes. And it wasn’t as if I was a big time cowgirl. I only owned two pairs of jeans. I rode horses in jodpurs. I rode an english saddle. I went to a women’s school.

And I had, um, green hair.

Just one little streak on the side. It was kelly green. And cute. Believe me, I kept it pinned under whenever I went out with the cowboy. I don’t think he’d even noticed it.

So off we went on a Saturday afternoon to the ranch.

Well, I guess the cowboy was really distracted by me, because when we stopped for gas. He put gas in. In his diesel pickup truck. Which doesn’t work. He didn’t notice til halfway through filling up the rear tank.

Thank goodness he had two tanks. Um, can we say not happy. He was not happy at all, and trying really hard not to show it.

We drove down these winding, curving roads until the trees opened up into ranch land. It was really pretty. Lots of green grass with trees here and there. Big, rolling hills. And when we rounded a corner, standing on the hillside was a large herd of ….

camels.

Seriously. The cowboy explained that every once in a while someone would drive through the fence in shock.

Uh, yeah. Strange.

I spent all afternoon watching the cowboy siphon gasoline out of his diesel tank. It was interesting at first. Kinda funny. Then the fumes started to get to me. He said he probably would taste gas for a week.  I felt like he’d probably smell like it too.

We at dinner with his parents, who were really nice. But I was nervous. So I couldn’t stop talking. Looking back, I think they probably thought I was crazy. And after all these years, they probably still do.

But they were nice to me anyway.

After dinner we headed off to a wedding dance.

Now, I grew up in the bible belt. There were no wedding dances. Apparently, where the cowboy was from, wedding dances were big deals. Lots of alcohol. The whole county shows up. Bigger deal and more money spent than on the wedding itself.

When we got there, we’d had a really long day. I was so ready to just relax and enjoy myself. He introduced me to some of his friends.

Then it happened.

Someone handed me a large 44 oz cup.

Whatever was in it was great. I drank the whole think in an hour. It was wonderful. It was…

Whiskey and coke.

Have I failed to mention that the only alcohol I’d ever had was half a zima (with a jolly rancher) on prom night. I didn’t  drink. And I was drunk. I flew right passed buzzed to flat out we-need-to-leave-right-now drunk.

It wasn’t even nine oclock. And we HAD to leave.

I vaguely remember hanging my head out a truck window and singing at the top of my lungs.

I really clearly remember the first four times I threw up.

I remember the seventh time I threw up — right on the cowboy’s boots.

The cowboy knew better than to take me home to his parents in that condition. So he stopped at the ranch’s hay meadow and walked me up and down the gravel road. For hours, it seemed.

It was one of those perfect nights. Every star shone down like spotlights. You could hear horses nickering somewhere. And, in my mind, we were taking a lovers stroll down an old dirt road.

It was perfect. Except, for some reason I couldn’t figure out, the cowboy wouldn’t kiss me. Go figure?

And here’s where our stories differ. I say that he helped me into the truck and took me to the ranch house and put me to bed. And I will stand by that til my dying day.

He says:

He started to help me into the truck. My hair had fallen out of it’s bobby pin and he noticed that I had green hair. He started to ask me about it when I (oh gosh, I can’t believe I’m going to tell you this), um, broke wind. Loudly. Unashamedly.

And winked at him.

And that’s when he fell in love with me.