Who wants to loose weight and give up sex? Anyone? Hello?

1 Jan

New Year’s Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. – Mark Twain

Okay, I thought about being all inspirational here, but I’ll save that for later. This year, we are living in the moment at Cocklebur Junction. That doesn’t mean we don’t have goals — but they aren’t necessarily resolutions. If there is a mountain in our way, we’re just going to move it. And we don’t need resolutions to do that.

Frankly, I can go back through all my journals and find the same five resolutions on every January 1st. And they are still things we are working on. After I feel like a complete failure, that is….

I’m starting to think I’m doing this resolution thing wrong. Why not make a resolution that you absolutely know that you can succeed at.

 I resolve to brush my hair at least three times a week.

I resolve to get my kiddos out of their pj’s and into real clothes by noon on most days.

I resolve to see the bottom of my kitchen sink once this next year.

I will wear my underwear under my clothes. I will wear underwear.

Hee hee. I’m pretty sure I can get all those things done.

The researcher in me had some questions to ask about resolutions.

What’s the top five New Year’s resolutions for women in 2010?

  1. Exercise more.
  2. Loose weight.
  3. Be happier.
  4. Eat healthier.
  5. Reduce stress.

Okay. Call me a nutty little person, but I just don’t really get it. Um, get up and go to town. Park in the furthest space from the store. Buy only fresh foods — lots of fruits and veggies. Nothing with anything artificial in it. Repeat once a week. There’s 1,2 and 4 right there. Okay. Easy done.

As for number 3, you’re probably not going to be that happy walking a mile into the grocery store in the driving rain only to have Oreos be off limit to you. Okay, that probably brings stress which wipes out number 5 as well.

And now you’ve blown the entire year. And it’s just the first week.

Now seriously. You can’t really make happiness a goal. It’s about change. If you aren’t happy, you have to change. You have to change something. If you can’t change something, you have to change yourself. Turn your brain on and live in the moment with your kiddos. Instead of worrying about bills or what to do about problem x while you are pretending to go through the motions with your kiddos, just be there with them. Completely. Fully. In the moment. And you’ll be happier. I promise. Set aside time each day for your worries and your stress. Do what you can with it within that time, and then move on and live your day. Because if you don’t have another day in front of you, you won’t grieve the time you could have spent worrying. You’ll grieve for the time you wasted worrying. That missed sunset. That missed tickle or laugh. Don’t miss those things.

And life isn’t going to get less stressful. Surprised? Life is probably going to get more stressful. But it’s how you react and deal with it that makes the biggest difference.

 Plop. Fell off the soap box again.

Okay, now http://topcultured.com/womens-2010-new-years-resolutions-infrographic/ also gave a list of things women refuse to give up in 2010.

Now this gets interesting.

  1. Chocolate
  2. Food
  3. Alcohol
  4. Sex
  5. Sweets

The first thing that comes to mind…um, if you don’t give up chocolate, food, alcohol and sweets….well, honey…you probably aren’t living healthier and loosing weight. So you better buy a treadmill. Or just tear up those resolutions right now.

Second thing that comes to mind. SEX? Are you kidding me? It’s behind chocolate, food and alcohol?

Not only that — only 8% of women refuse to give up sex. That leaves 92% of women out there that are fine giving up sex for the New Year.

I’m just going to say two things. One — that solves overpopulation. Two — porn sales are going to go through the roof this year.

Just saying.

On the more serious note, I find it sad that church, God, relationships, love and charity aren’t in there anywhere. Because they are in our family goals. In fact, those are the resolutions we do find we are able to keep. And we are the most proud of those. It’s how we start every day. Putting God first on our list of to-do’s.

And if you are making New Year’s Resolutions this year I hope you have a Sweaty, Thinner, Happier, Healthier, Prozac-filled New Years! Full of Chocolate, Food, Alcohol, Sex and Sweets… (Well, for the 8% of you who didn’t give up the sex. The rest of you may not be so sweaty and happy. Drink a little more, it’ll probably help.)


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